Present History
by 13 Bridges of Water
Summary: Abbie runs into someone from her past that she'd be better off never seeing again and it sparks a legal battle.  Mainly deals with Abbie, but will feature some of the others from SVU in later chapters.
1. Introductions

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own **_**Law and Order**_** or **_**Law and Order SVU**_**. That honor belongs to Dick Wolf. Seriously, if I owned it a lot more ships would be canon and Alex would never have left.**

**Authors Note: Rating is T for now, due to mention of rape and some violence, but may become M in the future. This is my first **_**Law and Order**_** story, so constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. This is unbetaed, so I apologize for any grammar errors. **

It would be a ridiculously easy case, Abbie Carmichael thought as she arranged the papers on the table. She could probably even get remand instead of bail. The idiot had killed his wife in front of three eyewitnesses, not counting the children. It would be a great pleasure for her to put him behind bars. She didn't bother to look up when she heard the defendant come in with his attorney. It wouldn't matter who the defense attorney was, even if he was the best attorney in the city, she was still going to put his client away for the rest of his life.

Once she had everything organized, she decided it might not be a bad idea to introduce herself and see who she was up against. He was standing, facing away from her and talking to his client as she approached. She waited for a brief pause and then announced loudly, "Hi, I'm ADA Abigail Carmichael, nice to meet you".

He turned, extending his arm for a handshake. "Michael Tucker"

Abbie froze for a moment when she saw his face, barely even hearing his name except as confirmation in the back of her mind that this was him. She couldn't move; she couldn't breathe; she couldn't think.

"How've you been Abbie?" he asked, confused by her silence. He wondered if perhaps she didn't remember him.

That was her breaking point. She threw herself at him, hitting, kicking, and scratching at him until he fell to the ground. She screamed at him, not even aware of what she was doing or saying, the words running together, making her near impossible to understand. "You son of a bitch, you, you…" She continued to hit and kick him after he fell, screaming hysterically, pummeling him even as his head hit the floor with a solid thud, even as he got over his shock and started to fight back.

She didn't feel it when he got a few good hits in, or when her lip split open. She was numb, completely and totally numb. The memories were right there in the back of her mind, threatening to burst over, but for now they stayed locked up, her mind blank of any thought beyond beating this piece of scum into the ground.

The court stood in stunned silence, not daring to believe the sight in front of them. After a minute a few bailiffs ran over and pulled Abbie, still kicking and screaming away from Michael. Barely able to move, he lay there as they dragged Abbie out of the courtroom. As soon as he was out of her sight, she stopped struggling and simply went limp as the bailiffs took her out into the hall and then lead her into an empty room nearby.

"Sorry Abbie," one of the bailiffs who had known her for years kept repeating as they seated her at the table and placed her in handcuffs. "Look," he said gently, "We're not going to bring you in yet, we'll have the detectives come here to talk to you, but you know it would help if you could tell us what the hell just happened in there.

Abbie just sat silently, staring down at the table. She didn't move at all, not even a brief nod, or looking up, or anything to indicate she had heard a word that had been said.

"Hey, are you okay Abbie?" he asked, then quietly cursed himself. Clearly she wasn't okay. She was going to have some nice marks from the other guy fighting back, he thought, and besides, Abbie Carmichael attacking anyone in the first place had to be some kind of indication that she was not okay. He still couldn't really believe that she'd attacked the guy. Maybe he had somehow missed the guy attacking her first, and she had just been fighting back? It sure hadn't looked like it, but that would make a lot more sense with the Abbie Carmichael he knew.

When she still didn't respond at all, he got nervous. Maybe she would talk to someone she knew better. He excused himself, explaining to the catatonic Abbie that he was going to make a phone call and would be right back, but he couldn't' even tell if she heard.

"Leave the handcuffs on," he whispered to the two other bailiffs on the way out, "but don't take her anywhere. I'm going to call some of the detectives that know her and see if they can come here instead of taking her in, so she'll be more comfortable." They all liked Abbie- she was friendly and completely dedicated to her job. He glanced back as the door shut behind him. Abbie still hadn't moved an inch.

**Please review- your constructive criticism will help me make the next chapter even better. I'm hoping to get it up in the next few days, but it will depend on how busy I get. I'll definitely get it up within the next week. Remember, reviews are love. **


	2. Disbelief

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own them. That honor belongs to Dick Wolf. Although, if he wants to give the franchise to me, I certainly won't say no. Unfortunately, he hasn't offered yet.**

**Authors Note: Rating is T for now, due to mention of rape and some violence, but may become M in the future. Please review- it helps me improve my writing and can help determine where the story goes. Also, it helps me keep writing if I know people are reading the story. About the timeline, this is somewhere around third or fourth season of SVU.**

"Get those forms to me as soon as you can," Cragen demanded. SVU had just wrapped up a case- all that was left was the paperwork. Stabler, Benson, Fin, and Munch settled in chatting a bit as they began to fill out the forms. The case hadn't been too hard and they had a confession so the guy would probably take a plea bargain. With cases this quick it sometimes felt like the paperwork took longer than the actual case.

They were still working on the forms an hour later when Cragen got a call. Bored with the paperwork Olivia kept one ear on the conversation. She felt a bit guilty about listening in, but it was a lot more interesting than paperwork.

"Okay," she heard Cragen say, "but that sounds like your standard assault- nothing sexual, no small children involved. What do you need SVU for?" He listened for a minute. "In the courthouse, really?" Another minute later his mouth dropped open in shock and he replied "I see. I'll send Benson and Stabler immediately."

"We got a case, Cap?" Benson asked as Cragen approached.

"Yeah, but you're not going to like it at all."

"Right now, I'll take anything over more paperwork."

Cragen looked serious and a bit grim as he called Stabler over. Benson was getting a bit nervous. Cragen was as used to the horrific crimes they dealt with on a daily basis as the rest of them, probably even more. If he was upset over this case it had to be something particularly brutal.

When Stabler joined them after putting away his files, Cragen informed them of the case. "I need you two to go arrest Abbie Carmichael for assault," he said quietly. "She's being held at the courthouse by the bailiffs right now."

Munch had apparently been listening from his desk. "No way," he blurted. "She may be 'Hang em Higher' Carmichael, but she's not just going to attack a defendant. She's got more class than that."

"Now Elliot I could see beating up a perp," Fin said, joining the conversation.

"Maybe even Alex." Munch added. "She did threaten to knock a suspect's teeth down his throat that one time. But not Abbie- that's just not her style."

Cragen interrupted as Munch continued to ramble on about who would and wouldn't beat up suspects and perps. "Not a defendant," he corrected. "It was a defense attorney. And it's on tape apparently. There were reporters at the courthouse from a couple news stations and some of them were already filming even though the arraignment hadn't started yet. They guy she attacked is in the hospital right now. She beat him up pretty badly apparently."

"Now that does sound like Abbie," Munch said. "If she's going to beat up a guy, she'd do a good job of it. Show no mercy."

Cragen continued, ignoring Munch. "So, Munch and Fin, I want you to go look at the tape and talk to witnesses. Benson, Stabler, go talk to Abbie, see if she needs medical attention, and then arrest her." He sighed. Abbie had always been one of the good guys in his book- she worked hard and did a fine job of putting away the perps for as long as possible. He hated to see her in trouble like this. He would love to hear why she attacked the guy- knowing Abbie she must have had a damn good reason.

Quickly, the detectives gathered their coats and headed towards the door.

Munch spent the ride over to the courthouse annoying Fin with various theories about how this could be some government conspiracy. As they got out of the car and headed into the courthouse, he expounded his latest theory. "This could be a setup to see if we'll follow the law even if it means arresting someone we care about. They might want to see if the unit is loyal to the government or to outsiders." He paused for a moment before coming up with yet another theory. "Or maybe this is some way to get media attention on the need for greater security in the courtroom, although I can't see Abbie playing along with that. Still, maybe they convinced her somehow. She'd support stronger methods to keep defendants from bringing in weapons. Although I don't know how having a prosecutor attack anyone would help prove that the security isn't strong enough to prevent criminals from having weapons. Still, this has to be orchestrated somehow."

He stopped when they reached the security guard near the entrance. They showed their badges to the security officer near the doors. "We're here to interview the witnesses. Where are they?" Munch asked.

"We've got a few of them in a conference room- mainly the reporters. We let the rest leave. They're all going to tell you the same story, so we figured we didn't need to make all of them wait around." The officer took off down the hall, Munch and Fin following behind.

Stabler and Benson arrived at the courthouse just a few minutes after Fin and Munch. They had spent most of the ride over in silence, both contemplating what they had been told. It just seemed so unlike Abbie. At one point, Stabler had looked over at Benson and quietly said "I'm not just imagining this, right. Cragen really did tell us to go and arrest Abbie, didn't he? I think I might be going crazy."

"Well, if you misheard then I did too. Although I'm not going to argue about you being crazy, I've known that for years."

They remained in a contemplative silence as they climbed the courthouse steps. Benson was slightly surprised to see a security officer right by the door- usually you could just walk right in. She supposed that security had been increased in light of someone being attacked in open court. They showed their badges and were let in the building.

"We were told Abigail Carmichael was being held in the building. Is she still here? We need to interview her." Stabler informed the security officer.

"Last I heard, she was still here," he said. She should be in room 107b."

"Thanks," they called out as they started down the hall.

It was a short walk; the room a few doors down from the end of the main hallway.

"NYPD," Benson announced as they knocked on the door. A bailiff opened the door and they stepped into the room. She turned to find Abbie sitting at the end of a short conference table and her mouth dropped open in shock.

**This chapter was a little longer than the previous one- I am trying to find a length that I like. Do you guys have any preference? Let me know. I could make them a lot shorter or longer if people have a strong preference, and it won't really affect how often I post. I think I will be posting about once a week right now. I'll try to get into a set pattern soon, but for now each chapter will go up sometime between Thursday and Saturday. Please review- I really appreciate them. Also if you have any questions or comments let me know. I'm always open to changing things a bit to give a better reading experience. Thanks for reading. Remember reviews are awesome.**


	3. Numb

**Disclaimer: I didn't own **_**Law and Order**_** or **_**SVU**_** last week. I still don't own it this week. I probably won't own it next week either, but one can always hope.**

**Authors Note: Still rated T for now, but this may go M soon. Sorry for the inconsistencies with using the detectives first and last names. I am trying to figure out which I want to use in what contexts. If you have any suggestions, let me know. Thank you to everyone who had read the story. Special thanks go to all those who have added it to their story alerts or favorites. It means a lot to me. In particular thank you to Ray27 and HAZMOT for reviewing, and to Anywhere Else, who has taken the time to review both chapters. It means a lot to me.**

_"NYPD," Benson announced as they knocked on the door. A bailiff opened the door and they stepped into the room. She turned to find Abbie sitting at the end of a short conference table and her mouth dropped open in shock._

Abbie looked like hell Olivia thought as she entered the room. The bailiffs started to leave the room as Olivia slowly looked Abbie over, taking in her injuries. Her hair was wild and tangled and she sported numerous cuts and scratches on her arms and face. She was staring straight ahead with a vacant look in her eyes and Olivia could see that her lip was split and bleeding slightly. Bruises were beginning to form all over her body and from the size of her swollen left wrist it would appear that it was fractured or broken.

What disturbed Olivia most, however, was that Abbie didn't seem to notice her injuries, or if she did, she was completely indifferent to them. She had not noticed the detectives entrance either, or at least she had not given any sign that she had noticed. Elliot spoke quietly to one of the bailiffs as Olivia slowly approached Abbie. She would try to talk to her for a minute, Olivia decided, and then they would take her to the hospital. A full interview could wait until after her injuries were tended to.

"Abbie," Olivia said quietly, "I need to ask you a few questions about what happened. You know the drill."

Abbie didn't respond. She just sat there silently staring off into the distance as Elliot approached.

"Abbie," Olivia repeated a bit louder. "I need you to talk to me." When Abbie still didn't respond, Olivia softened her voice as she reached for Abbie's uninjured hand before remembering that they were still cuffed. Instead she settled for putting her hand on Abbie's shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked gently.

The combination of the soft words and gentle touch finally got through to Abbie. She turned towards Olivia as she began to sob. At first she tried to conceal her tears, but soon she realized how futile it was and just gave herself over to crying. Olivia took Abbie in her arms and stroked her back softly. As Abbie continued to sob, Olivia attempted to comfort. It felt a bit strange to her, comforting someone she was supposed to be arresting, and yet she still couldn't bring herself to think of Abbie as a perp. She seemed so much more like a victim.

After a few minutes Abbie stopped crying and pulled away from Olivia. "Sorry," she whispered, embarrassed that she had collapsed sobbing on the detective.

"It's okay Abbie," Olivia assured her. Sometime while she had been crying, Elliot had come over and sat down at the table. He reached for her hands to remove the handcuffs and she flinched for a second before she realized what he was doing and relaxed, allowing him to take the cuffs off.

"We're going to take you to the hospital and then question you later," Elliot informed her, confident that Olivia would agree. "We'll hold off on arresting you, if we need to, until afterwards. I know it's not protocol, but it should make things go easier at the hospital. At least one of us will have to stay with you, though."

"Okay," Abbie murmured softly. "It's okay if you want to arrest me now though. There's no need to treat me special."

Elliot and Olivia looked over at each other. Of course they would treat Abbie differently, even if they shouldn't. Technically they probably shouldn't have even been working the case since they knew her, but it seemed that Cragen thought they were far enough removed to get away with it. "Why don't you go with Abbie," Elliot suggested to Olivia. "Depending on where all she's injured it could be less awkward for you than for me. I'll go check in with Cragen about seeing the other guy."

At the mention of Tucker, Abbie seemed to shrink into herself. She pulled away from the rest of the world a bit, although not nearly to the extent of earlier. Elliot got up and went over to open the door. He held it open as Olivia helped Abbie up and walked her out of the room. The three walked together in silence down the hallway, trying to ignore the stares of all those who had heard the latest courthouse gossip.

When they got to the car they settled Abbie in the back and then stopped for a moment to discuss plans. "I'll drop you two at the emergency exit," Elliot suggested, "and then call Cragen. That way if he lets me go see the guy she got, I'll already be at the hospital."

"Fine," Olivia agreed. "It just seems weird though, doesn't it? Abbie's not acting like any perp I've seen. She's acting like a victim."

Elliot nodded. "There's got to be something going on here." After a brief pause they got in the car and headed to the hospital.

The car ride was quiet. It didn't feel like the right time to question Abbie and Olivia and Elliot both felt like it would be rude to just make small talk. Instead he put on the radio quietly so that there wouldn't be total silence. Nobody really listened, but it made the ride a bit more bearable. When they arrived, Olivia let Abbie out of the back seat and walked with her into the emergency room. Elliot took off to park and call Cragen.

"What's going on Elliot," Cragen asked when he picked up his phone.

"Abbie hasn't said anything yet, but she seems pretty upset. We just brought her over to the emergency room. Olivia is staying with her. After she gets fixed up we'll arrest and interrogate her. When can I talk to the guy she beat up?"

"The guy has been identified as Michael Tucker and you can go talk to his doctor, but you'll have to put off talking to him until he wakes up. He lost consciousness shortly after the bailiffs took Abbie away, and the hospital says he's in a mild coma right now. He should recover, they think, but they don't know when he'll wake up. She really did a number on him. You should have arrested her. It won't look good if the public finds out we're giving special privileges to ADAs or to people we know. People will be watching this one, so you've got to play by the rules from here on out." Cragen's voice was stern but still had a trace of sympathy in it. He didn't like this case any better than his detectives, but he could not allow it to reflect poorly on the unit.

"Sorry Captain. I'll go talk to the doctor and I'll pass your message along to Olivia next time I see her. Have Munch and Fin gotten anything yet?"

"They're still over at the courthouse, but they should be back soon with the videos."

Elliot began walking towards the hospital as the Captain continued to fill him in on the details of the case. He hung up shortly before he reached the front desk.

"I need to find a patient's doctor," he informed the receptionist, holding up his badge. "Michael Tucker."

The receptionist looked at him nervously as she typed the name into the system. "He's in room 507," she told him. "His doctor is doing rounds right now, but he might have a few minutes if you catch him in between patients. He should be up on fifth floor."

A half an hour later Elliot finally spoke to the doctor. Tucker was in pretty bad shape, but would likely make a full recovery. He had some broken ribs and was covered in bruises and cuts. The worst was his head injury likely from his head slamming on the floor when Abbie knocked him down. He was in a coma right now due to swelling in his brain, but it was unlikely to leave permanent damage. The doctor promised to call Elliot when Tucker woke up. With that taken care of, Elliot headed back to the station.

The wait was much longer for Abbie and Olivia. Abbie's injuries were nowhere near bad enough to merit immediate attention- they were very painful but not life threatening in the least. Olivia and Abbie sat in silence for the first thirty minutes, but as the wait went on they began to chat. Not about anything relating to the case of course. They talked about stupid things that didn't really matter right now like the weather or tv shows they watched as if they were just two friends hanging out. It was a bit surreal but it relaxed both of them and Abbie started to look a bit less dead although she still seemed exhausted and a bit out of it. After an hour and a half Olivia was beginning to consider using her badge to speed up the triage. Before she could make up her mind, however, Abbie was finally called in.

Olivia was allowed to accompany Abbie after she explained that she was with the police and an incident had occurred. She was careful not to identify Abbie as the perpetrator although after they watched the news that night everyone would know. Olivia had a sneaking suspicion that the doctor assumed Abbie was the victim, which was only aided by her requesting that all of Abbie's injuries be documented. While traditionally procedure for victims it made sense in a case like this where they could try to see if the wounds Tucker had inflicted on Abbie were reasonable in the context of self-defense. If not, then they could possibly charge him as well.

Abbie quietly answered all the doctors' questions about her medical history and where it hurt, but when he asked what had happened she got suddenly quiet. After a minute she simply responded "there was an incident earlier." The doctor was about to ask another question when Olivia gave him a stare that told him he didn't really want to continue on this line of questions. Instead he instructed her to ice the larger bruises, and especially her split lip, and told her that someone would be in soon to take her down to x-ray for her wrist which was likely broken.

A few hours later Elliot came back to the hospital to pick up Olivia and Abbie, whose wrist now sported a large cast. They took her back to the station and Elliot started the process of arresting and processing her while Olivia went to talk to Cragen, who was sitting with Munch and Fin.

All three shared what they had found out with the captain, and he informed them of Elliot's news about Michael Tuckers condition. The man had not yet woken up so they couldn't get his side of the story, but the videos made one thing painfully clear: Abbie had attacked the man with absolutely no provocation; he really had just fought to defend himself. Abbie must have known him from somewhere though, the look on her face in the videos had made that obvious. Munch and Fin were told to go find out how Abbie knew the lawyer and Olivia went to find Elliot.

Elliot and Olivia brought Abbie into the interrogation room, apologizing and explaining that Cragen had ordered they follow exact protocol so they couldn't do the interview somewhere more comfortable. Abbie said that she understood and that she should be treated like anyone else. They mirandized her and began questioning her. Elliot was a bit shocked when she didn't ask for a lawyer, but he continued anyway.

"What can you tell us about the incident earlier today," he asked her.

Abbie pushed her hair away from her face with her uninjured hand as she responded. "Don't you already know. There were plenty or reporters there. I'm sure you've already been told exactly what happened. Besides, it's a bit fuzzy for me." In an odd way that was true. The actual fight was a bit unclear to her, but the moments before she attacked him were perfectly clear. She could remember every detail of seeing him until the panic had taken over.

"Yes Abbie," Olivia informed her, "we know what happened. We still need to hear it from you. Besides we should get your side of the story as well."

"I attacked him, okay," Abbie said a bit aggressively. "I don't remember exactly what I did, but he turned around and then I attacked him. I didn't really mean to. It just happened. I couldn't control myself or think." She hung her head in shame at the last part. Abbie Carmichael was always in control. She always thought about what she did. Except around Tucker.

"Why did you attack him," Olivia asked softly. Elliot was staring at Abbie as if she had grown a second head. This Abbie was nothing like the Abbie he knew.

"I didn't plan to. I just reacted to seeing him."

"So, you had met him before today." Elliot had gotten over his shock and joined in the questioning again.

"Yes," Abbie admitted reluctantly. "We attended the same university. I was an undergraduate and he was a Law student."

"How well did you know him?"

"Oh, I knew him pretty well," Abbie said bitterly.

"What was the nature of your relationship with him?" Olivia asked.

Abbie froze upon hearing that question. She wouldn't let her mind go there, and frankly she didn't know exactly how to define it. "I can't," she said sounding both firm and terrified at the same time. "I really can't."

"Abbie," Olivia said. "It would help us if we knew why you attacked him. It could help you in court and help us decide which charges to keep and which to drop."

"It doesn't matter why I did it," Abbie responded coolly. "You know exactly what I did. It's assault plain as day. Any jury would agree with you on that. All that will matter is how badly I injured him. That might influence jail time a bit. This is an easier case than the one I was trying this morning. Besides my actions are what should determine my sentence, not my reasons."

The detectives asked a few more questions after that, but Abbie sat there quietly unable to answer. After a few minutes they gave up and took Abbie down to lockup for the night. A brief conversation with another officer ensured that Abbie would have a cell to herself. She was to be arraigned first thing in the morning.

It was evening and the detectives were getting ready to leave for the night when a man burst in demanding to see Captain Cragen. The gray haired man was quickly let into Cragen's office, fury radiating from his features.

He was barely in the door when he began yelling. "Why," he demanded of Cragen, "why am I not informed when your people arrest one of my ADAs. Why did I have to find this out from the gossip mill at the courthouse? And where is ADA Carmichael? I would like to see her." He finished a bit softer than he had begun, some of the anger leaving his face.

"I'm sorry you weren't informed. I never meant for this to be kept from you. Carmichael was taken to a cell for the night, but I'm sure that if you go there, you'll be allowed to see her. " Cragen looked over at Jack McCoy with sympathy. He sure wouldn't like it if nobody told him one of his people had been arrested and he empathized with both the pain and fury he saw in eyes of the DA.

A short while later Jack McCoy was ushered into a conference room where Abbie had been brought. He looked at her in silent shock for a moment. She seemed fairly composed for someone who had been arrested although she was still nowhere near as composed as the Abbie he knew. There seemed to be a distinct coldness and distance about her- more even than usual.

Still, she did seem pleased that he was there even as she informed him that he needn't have come.

Jack was not one to waste time with pleasantries. "Of course I came Abbie," he informed her. Then dispensing with any subtlety he informed her "I looked up this Michael Tucker once I heard the news. It seems he was a law student at University of Texas at the same time as you were there. In fact it seems he would have been a third year law student when you were a freshman. So unless I'm missing something here, good for you for getting him."

"Good for me," Abbie said derisively. "We follow the law Jack. We don't take it into our own hands. We know that better than anyone. We let the law take its course but we don't exact personal revenge. It isn't okay when someone else does it and it isn't okay if I do it despite everyone wanting to treat me differently. I'm not special. I'm not above the law."

"True, although you are special, just not in the eyes of the law. He had everything you did coming to him. If you explain that to the detectives they can help you out."

"No, Jack. I'm not going to get let off easy for this. I'll take the punishment I deserve. I can't get away with just attacking someone no matter what they've done in the past."

"That's not how you looked at the Simonelli case. You cut her a deal."

"I felt for her. I shouldn't have. That's not what a prosecutor does."

"You did the right thing then. Now I need you to do the right thing now. You don't need to punish yourself anymore. You said you were done blaming yourself but you aren't. You blame yourself for what happened then and you blame yourself now. But neither were your fault. I'm not saying you shouldn't take any responsibility for what happened today, but why it happened is at least as important. So, help yourself and stop begging the legal system to punish you for what you falsely blame yourself for. And I don't mean what happened today."

He paused to give her a minute to think about what he had said. Some of the coldness seeped from her demeanor and she relaxed a bit. Wearily she realized that most of what he said was true.

"Talk to the detectives," he told her. "Let them help you." There was a brief pause, then he added, "And get yourself an attorney. If you don't have one by tomorrow there will be one waiting at your bail hearing. I'm not letting you go undefended."

He turned and walked away. As the door swung shut behind him, Abbie softly spoke two words: "Thanks, Jack." Alone, she let herself cry once more, bitter tears mixed with a bit of healing.

**Authors Note: Wow that was a long chapter. I don't think most of them will be this long, but the lengths will vary based on when it feels right to stop. Remember, reviews are highly appreciated.**


	4. Honesty

**Disclaimer: **_**Law and Order**_** and **_**SVU**_** don't belong to me. I wish I could claim them, but alas they belong to Dick Wolf and the other people over at NBC. **

**Authors Note: To those who watch the mothership I should warn you that I am messing with timelines a bit, so Abbie is still working for the DA's office, but Serena has already been fired. Next chapter the rating on this story will change. Most chapters will still be T content, but because of occasional M chapters I will be changing the rating on the whole story. I will but notices at the top of each M chapter and it should be possible to read the story without the M chapters if you so desire. It should also be noted that the chapters will not be smut or especially graphic, but based on the context any sort of detail requires a rating change in my mind. Thanks to all those who are reading the story and especially to Ray25 for the kind review.**

"_Talk to the detectives," he told her. "Let them help you." There was a brief pause, then he added, "And get yourself an attorney. If you don't have one by tomorrow there will be one waiting at your bail hearing. I'm not letting you go undefended."_

_ He turned and walked away. As the door swung shut behind him, Abbie softly spoke two words: "Thanks, Jack." Alone, she let herself cry once more, bitter tears mixed with a bit of healing._

The next morning, despite arriving to work early, there was already a message for Benson and Stabler from Captain Cragen. Abbie had called last night and requested to see them again before her arraignment hearing. Both of them were surprised, based on Abbie's behavior yesterday they had thought that she wouldn't be able or willing to answer any more questions. It had seemed almost as if she had wanted to prosecute herself. Still, they were hopeful that perhaps she had changed her mind.

When they arrived at the jail, Abbie had already been waiting in the conference room for a good twenty minutes. The detectives had called to say they would be coming in soon, and the bailiffs figured since Abbie didn't seem to be a current danger it would be easier to just bring her to the conference room right away and lock her in. It was unlikely that she would do any damage to the room, and the bailiff was too familiar with Abbie to worry about her doing any harm to herself, although given the circumstances and her recent behavior, he probably shouldn't have been basing decisions on normal Abbie.

She was lost in thought by the time Benson and Stabler arrived. Her thoughts kept drifting back to the case Jack had brought up- the Simonelli case. At the time, despite her reluctant sympathy, she had considered herself better than Simonelli. After all, Simonelli had ordered the man killed. Abbie had truly believed then, that even if she had the chance she wouldn't have done the same to Michael. She knew better now. She had hurt him seriously, and if there hadn't been anyone else around there was no doubt in her mind that she would have killed him. She had let Simonelli off easy because of the sympathy, the blame. Perhaps she deserved some sympathy too, as much as it killed her to consider it. She still wasn't sure that she had done the right thing in that case, though, and she had no clue what the right thing was now.

Abbie's thoughts were interrupted by the detectives entering the room. "You wanted to see us," Elliot said, sitting down.

Olivia closed the door and joined Elliot at the table, a curious look on her face.

"Yes," Abbie said quietly. "There were things that I couldn't tell you now that I think I can now. I'm not sure if it will make any difference, though. I don't know if it should."

"Well," Olivia suggested gently, "Why don't you leave that up to us?"

Abbie nodded and then looked down at the table for a minute gathering her courage before she looked back up and meet eyes with the detectives again. "Ask me whatever you want," she told them. "I'll do my best to answer."

"Yesterday you said you knew Michael Tucker. How about you tell us how you know him." Elliot asked.

Abbie sighed and steeled herself to answer. She had known that this question would come up. "I'm probably going to tell you more than you need to know. I can't really separate the parts well right now," she said. She paused for a second and then began again. "He went to the University of Texas like I did. One day, early in my freshman year- late September actually, I finally got around to going to the law library. I'd been planning to for a while, I don't know why, I guess I just wanted to see it. I was standing there, not really knowing what to do now that I was there- I didn't really need anything. That was when I first saw him."

"I guess he saw me looking confused because he came over. He introduced himself and asked if he could help me with anything. We talked for a while and then he asked me to dinner. I was so excited that this cute boy was interested in me- this cute older boy. I was an idiot," she added derisively.

Olivia reached out her hand and placed it lightly on Abbie's, trying to give her some support. Abbie flinched, but allowed Olivia's hand to stay on hers.

"I told him where I lived and he said he'd come pick me up for dinner on Saturday at six. I don't know why I still remember the time. I spent forever getting ready for that date. I'd had a few dates in high school, but they were awkward ones with boys I'd known forever. This felt different. I borrowed some clothes from a friend. They weren't quite as casual as my usual clothes- a bit more revealing. Not too lowcut though. I don't think they were too lowcut." She stumbled over that a bit, wondering if they had been, wondering if that had been part of the problem, if it had been partially her fault.

She took another deep breath before continuing, trying to calm herself. "We went to dinner and it was pretty nice. We talked a lot. He told me all about law school since he knew I wanted to become a lawyer. Afterwards he walked me back to my room and asked if he could come in for a bit. I let him." She paused yet again, cursing herself silently for that decision. "He suggested I put on some music and I did. We talked for a bit longer and then he kissed me. It was fine at first, but then I got really uncomfortable. I hadn't dated much, so I was nervous and I didn't really know how to say I wanted to stop."

"When his hands started to creep up under my shirt, I freaked out. I told him I didn't want to do this and that I thought he should leave now. He called me a tease and said that I owed him this. He said he knew what I wanted- he could tell by what I wore."

"He pushed me against the bed then, and I kept telling him no, but he didn't stop. Then he, he…" her voice broke and she couldn't finish the sentence. "I screamed a few times, but the music was loud and people were always screaming for stupid reasons on my floor, so nobody knew what was going on. I kept asking him to stop, but he wouldn't and eventually I gave up and just lay there silently. Maybe I should have screamed louder or done something different," she finished, pulling her hand away from Olivia and shrinking into herself as if she could hold herself together that way. Her eyes gleamed with unshed tears.

Olivia and Elliot looked at Abbie in shock for a moment. Finally Olivia regained her composure and suddenly in her mind everything clicked. "Abbie," she asked gently. "I need you to actually say it so we have it on record. Did Michael Tucker rape you?"

Abbie looked down at the table as she answered. "Yes," she said. "He raped me." A tear began trickling down her cheek as she finally said that word out loud. Even when she had told Jack she had managed to avoid using that word. It made it too real for her. "It hurt like hell," she added softly, more to herself than to the detectives. "But I think it hurt more that it was my first time and he took that from me."

"Did you report it?" Elliot asked, praying she had. Without a complaint of any kind it would carry much less weight in court.

"No. I was too ashamed and scared. He started a rumor that I was easy and people believed him. I even believed him for a while, and I blamed myself for years. I thought that if I told anyone they would believe him, not me. Besides, I couldn't believe that I had let that happen to me."

"You didn't let it happen," Olivia informed her. "No one lets it happen. It's never the victims fault." After a brief moment she added, "Abbie, we believe you, but you've been a prosecutor long enough to know that won't go far in court. We can use a polygraph, but by itself that won't be enough. Did you tell anyone ever?"

Abbie was confused for a brief moment. They wouldn't be prosecuting him- the statute of limitations was long over. Then she remembered that they were talking about her trial. This would be evidence to shorten her sentence, not to put Tucker away. She hated the thought that she would go to jail and he wouldn't. It was her fault though, she thought, her fault for not reporting the rape and her fault for attacking him. She would have to tell the story again, she realized with horror, for the polygraph and in court. In court where the other attorney would get to tear her to shreds.

She was jolted suddenly out of her thoughts by Olivia repeating her question a bit louder. "Sorry, I didn't catch that," Abbie said.

"I need to know if you told anyone Abbie," Olivia repeated again.

"Not then. I told Jack McCoy a few years ago. He knew something was up based on how I reacted to a case and then afterwards I told him. First person I told after all those years."

"Have you interacted with him since?" Elliot asked.

"Jack McCoy?" Abbie questioned. "Of course I have. I work for him."

"No," Elliot said, slightly bemused. "Michael Tucker."

"I saw him around campus a few times, and I heard about the rumors he was spreading from other people, but I didn't have anything to do with him after that night. Yesterday was the first time I had seen him in well over a decade."

"Did you know he would be on the case?"

"I had no clue. I'm not sure of what I would have done if I had. I just saw him standing there and I panicked. Then he asked how I'd been and the next thing I knew he was on the ground and I was hitting him and then I was being hauled away by the bailiffs."

"So you didn't plan to attack him," Olivia asked.

"No," Abbie responded shaking her head. She was smart enough to keep the rest of her thought to herself: No, I didn't plan it, but I'm not sorry either.

"Okay Abbie," Olivia told her. "I think that's all for now, unless you have something else you need to tell us." She paused, then continued when Abbie remained silent. "We need to go talk to some people before your arraignment. We'll see you in a few hours." Olivia stood to leave and Elliot followed suit. She patted Abbie's shoulder for a second before she turned to go. Abbie tried not to flinch, but failed. She thought about what Olivia had just said and realized she still didn't have an attorney. She needed to get one and fast. She'd ask for a phone call when the bailiff returned.

A sudden thought crossed Abbie's mind as the detectives headed towards the door. No one had told her anything about Tucker's condition. "How badly did I hurt him?" she asked nervously.

"Pretty bad," Elliot told her honestly. "The doctors think he'll recover, but they aren't completely sure. He's still in a coma right now." After a minute of silence, he and Olivia left the room, shutting the door behind them. Abbie sat at the table in silence, waiting for a bailiff to come get her. She wasn't sure what to feel about the news. Every emotion from happiness to horror and pride to shame ran through her head. She still didn't know whether him being dead would be a good thing or not. At the moment it seemed like it might.

**Authors Note: This was a really hard chapter to write. Hopefully it turned out okay. Any and all advice would be highly appreciated. Just a brief reminder that the story will be changing rating next chapter. Thank you all for reading, and don't forget to review. It doesn't have to be anything profound, just knowing that people are reading and care about the story makes my day. **


	5. Representation

**Disclaimer: I still don't own **_**Law and Order**_** or **_**SVU**_**. Although both Alex and Casey are returning this season, so perhaps the producers are listening to me even if I don't own it. **

**Author's Note: Sorry this is being posted so late. I had a lot of things come up lately and wasn't able to write until now. I plan to put up two chapters this week to make up for missing last week. Hopefully I will be able to keep up the once chapter a week from now on, but there may be occasional times where I miss a week. Also, I changed my mind about where a certain scene is going to go, so the rating won't be changing quite yet, although it still will sometime soon. Don't forget to review, and thanks to everyone who did review the last chapter- I truly appreciate it.**

_A sudden thought crossed Abbie's mind as the detectives headed towards the door. No one had told her anything about Tucker's condition. "How badly did I hurt him?" she asked nervously._

"_Pretty bad," Elliot told her honestly. "The doctors think he'll recover, but they aren't completely sure. He's still in a coma right now." After a minute of silence, he and Olivia left the room, shutting the door behind them. Abbie sat at the table in silence, waiting for a bailiff to come get her. She wasn't sure what to feel about the news. Every emotion from happiness to horror and pride to shame ran through her head. She still didn't know whether him being dead would be a good thing or not. At the moment it seemed like it might._

Abbie had planned to ask to call an attorney before she was arraigned, but the emotional aftermath of talking to Olivia and Elliot had wiped every mundane thought from her mind. She didn't remember that she still didn't have a lawyer until after the bailiffs had come to take her into court. She had been allowed to change into a suit, although she wasn't entirely sure where it had come from.

It was only a brief ride from the jail to the courthouse, but it was long enough for Abbie to begin to panic. She had been so busy blaming herself and mentally punishing herself that she hadn't really thought much about what was going to happen. Even after talking to the detectives and to Jack and realizing that she did have a valid reason she had still believed that she deserved to be punished severely for what she had done. Part of her still believed that, but another part of her mind was now occupied with the reality that her punishment would be jail time. She had spent enough time visiting suspects and perps in jail to know exactly what jail time would entail. Abbie shuddered at the thought.

She was lead inside the courthouse by two officers and was relieved to note that they uncuffed her when they reached the courthouse. Apparently she wasn't considered to be a threat to others safety, which was largely ironic given that the courthouse was where she had attacked someone in the first place. They were in a different courtroom than the attack had happened in, but it still brought the memory to the front of her mind again and she could practically see Michael Tucker standing there. When they reached the tables in the front of the courtroom she instinctively turned right, heading towards the table for the prosecutions where she always sat. She was jerked roughly to the left by the correctional officers. The sat her at the defense table and then retreated to the back of the courtroom.

It didn't feel right sitting at the other table and Abbie knew she would have to try hard to adjust to being on the other side of the system. She was not here as a prosecutor and she was not to act as an attorney, except, she thought, for today until she could get another attorney. She knew that if she attempted to defend herself she would be more likely to make the situation worse.

Abbie had only been sitting at the table for a minute or so when she heard someone behind her call her name. She turned around to see Jack McCoy sitting as far forward as he could and still be behind the bar.

"Is your attorney running late, Abbie?"

"No," Abbie sighed as she explained. "I was going to call one, but it somehow slipped my mind." She hated admitting that she had been weak enough to let herself forget something this important. "I'll have to represent myself today, it's too late to get anyone I trust right now, but I'll try to get one immediately afterwards."

"Not to worry," Jack told her, a bit of teasing in his voice. He wanted to keep things light, knowing the trauma she had likely been going through. "I knew you might be a bit preoccupied, so I took it upon myself to bring an attorney along in case you didn't." He gestured to the blonde woman sitting next to him. "I don't know if you're familiar with Serena Southerlyn, Abbie. She used to work for our office before she realized that her skills would be better served working for the defense."

"That's a nice way to put it, Jack," Serena said, standing up and walking towards the table. "Nice to meet you," she said, reaching out to shake Abbie's hand. "You were quite the legend around the office when I was there. I'm sure their thrilled to have you back."

It took Abbie a minute to comprehend the drastic change of events. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you both." She paused for a moment before adding to Serena, "Has Jack told you anything about the situation?"

"He filled me in a bit about what happened, but I'd like to hear a lot more from you right after this."

Before she could elaborate any further as to what she was aware of, Judge Petrovsky walked in. As they stood, waiting for the judge to take her seat, Abbie glanced over at the prosecutor. She felt her stomach sink as she recognized the attorney. Any hope she had had for her defense vanished. Standing across the room from her was ADA Alexandra Cabot.

**Authors Note: Again, sorry for the delay. I know this chapter is a bit short, there really wasn't anywhere else to end it without it running on way too long. The next chapter will be up in the next two or so days, and after that I will return to my previous schedule. Please review, I love to know what everyone is thinking.**


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